In the dark of the night...
...he's still my little light. In the light of the day, he's always busy giggling, climbing and smiling away. Words on sleep and getting MORE REST.
I can feel myself being called to rest, to take a break from teaching and earning, to just be me, a Mother, a partner, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a woman. As my classes draw to an end, there’s no pre school and I get ready for a little break (with kids). I go to sleep at night a little less anxious, little less full of dread as I know the dark of the night isn’t so bad when theres nothing to get up for. Just slow sunny mornings with my boys.
The regular happenings and thoughts in the dark of the night
In the dark of the night
When I can’t rock, feed or sing no more.
I play music to my youngest and it gets us through.
In the dark of the night
Ssshing my baby, fear his brother will wake.
Many very early mornings spent in the basement.
Just to clarify the basement is our living room, the coolest and quietest room
In the dark of the night
Comparing my 2 sons, asking why?!
What am I doing wrong? How could it be worse than our first?!
In the dark of the night
My first night away, since mothering 2.
I lay there feeling wrong, waking lots and full, wanting to be home.
In the dark of the night
It can be very lonely
Netflix, feeding, singing, eating, co-sleeping carry us through till its bright
In the dark of the night
When I want to throw my baby across the room
He still has a smile, a giggle between cries, he’s still my little light
Obviously I would never throw my children across the room, but we’ve all been there right?!
Now sleep isn’t linear, still as adults it can be something we struggle with. To drift off quickly, to switch off, to get a good quality nights sleep is maybe even harder as a grown up (this how I refer to parents/carers in my kids classes and I like it, haha!) There’s too much going on! Too many responsibilities, things to do, or pain, anxiety keeping us up.
For me, these past 3 years, it’s just kids, kids keep me up and steal my sleep!
Our eldest would take forever to get down, with every wake up he’d be very upset but was sleeping longer stints by 9 months. We actually took him to an Osteopath around this age, hoping for an answer, Henry my partner would rock for hours and count his steps, pacing the room. The wizards (as I call them) found lots of stuff going on including trauma from a lumbar puncture from his trip in NICU. I always thought this affected his sleep, he couldn’t lay next to me, he was sick, it was a difficult time. He’s now 3 and more often than not sleeps through the night, we have probably one night a week where he’s in with us and I do cherish these moments. But hooray he sleeps! THERE IS HOPE!
Our youngest is nearly 14 months and only just this week have 4 hour stints become more frequent, sometimes 5 hours, the dream! We are still breastfeeding (though last night a bottle was made at 3am, the RAGE was strong!) and after his first wake up still bed sharing. I don’t know why I say still as its ok, more than ok and completely normal (thank you Mums of instagram). Twice this week our little Albus has slept in till 8am! I’m not a superstitious person but as I write this I hope and pray I’m not jinxing it! Though last night we did have a 3hour party at 2am! FUN!
One day these sleepless nights will be a long distant memory and I’ll probably be the grown up, not sleeping, worrying, waiting for teenage boys to come home.
As always, I don’t really know where I’m going with all of this. I just like to share.
We will sleep again, it is getting better, there will still be bad nights but one thing for sure is since becoming a parent I value, appreciate, the need, the call to REST!
REST, REST and MORE REST.
Can you tell I’m counting down to our holiday, which won’t likely be restful at all! There’ll be no sunbathing nor reading a book, but it will be a different kind of rest.
Nowhere to be, nothing to do, but be (and rest of a different kind) with my boys.
All my classes return late August to September, come October I will be running a rest workshop/extra long class, you can find out everything here.
Thank you for reading.
This maybe my last ramble for a few weeks, we’ll see.
Be present, be mindful, be kind.
Natalie
xxx
I feel you deeply on many pieces of this… I’m adoring the summer slow I have to say, even though it’s full on in other ways. But the sleep… still at 19 months the sleep is very far away from ideal!!!! 🤪🤪from one tired Mama to another, you are amazing xxxx